Will I ever learn?

It all started like a normal week. I received a call asking me to teach a class on "How to be a good student". It seems there was an entire class that was having difficulty learning, and after a great deal of committee meetings and five martini lunches the board had decided that the only reasonable course of action would be to educate these students about learning.

"How can these students learn, if they've never learned how to learn?", pondered the committee chairperson, and everyone was quick to agree with her, except for Leon. Leon had a habit for describing himself as "a man who mindlessly conforms to the ideas and principles of whatever group is not currently present", and true to form he was doing just that. Leon was the only one who tirelessly insisted that all decisions made by the committee should be unanimous if they were to represent absolutely everyone, and anything less would not be in the best interests of "the children".

But, despite Leon's wishes, they had instituted a policy that allowed all votes to pass with a simple majority of those present, with the chairperson casting the proxy votes for those that had not attended, based upon the notion that she "knew how they would vote if they were here", and oddly enough, anyone absent had a great tendency to vote the same way as she did.

Leon attempted to present the other side of the argument, but was quickly silenced as a motion was made to adjourn, seconded and passed. Over half of the members had not been in attendance, but it was argued that the absent members would vote to adjourn and leave at this point, since if they really wanted to continue the meeting they would have shown up for it. No one was able to argue with this logic, and it forced them to once again table the discussion about the constantly changing meeting times and the unreliable method of notifying members of these changes.

That's when they decided to call me. I had established a reputation as a person who is an expert on absolutely nothing, and who better to teach a class on learning than someone who has so much to learn?

I told them that the most important part of learning is desire; the students have to want to learn. But, as I am merely a novice when it comes to desire, I suggested they first find someone to teach desire, and then when the students wanted to learn they would be ready for my instruction.

They insisted that if I really wanted to teach, my enthusiasm would be so contagious that it would make the students want to learn. But, I told them I don't really want to teach. So they hired a private tutor to teach me desire, since it would be more economical to teach me and then have me teach the class, thus inspiring the students to learn.

We spent many hours, but finally my tutor gave up, insisting that I simply couldn't learn, and that perhaps I would benefit from the learning class that I had been picked to teach. So I signed up, and we should get started any day now, as soon as they can find a teacher