The Few, The Proud, The Peaceful
As many of you already know, I am the Supreme Commander of the Pacifist Army, a group that does not fight, except about who was the best Batman, or who has better hair: Penn or Teller, or which toothpaste is tastier. As a group we have been engaged in a long struggle against fighting, and we are looking for those exceptional people who will help us in our noble quest.
However, our recent recruitment goals have not been met. The current political climate has tarnished the good name of "Army", and has mislead many to believe that it represents a group of people who fight. I can assure you, in our case this could not be further from the truth. We have declared a war on fighting, and we will not rest until the whole world rests. As you can see, this quickly becomes a very confusing task, and one that requires a considerable amount of staffing as well as weed. Fortunately, we know a guy, so we've got the second thing covered, but we still need your help!
Finding the right recruits has been a monumental task. Only a select few have either the skills necessary, or the supermodel good looks to become one of us. Just yesterday I spoke with a very talented and eager young man who assured me that if selected he would give 110%. Obviously we couldn't accept him. It isn't possible for one person to give more than 100%, and his needless hyperbole would only invite trouble. Before long we would have to deal with those that declared they could give 112%, and in no time at all we would reach ridiculous numbers, with claims of "infinity-plus-one percent" or "a million bajillion percent". This is a serious business, and I have no patience for those that can't master simple math concepts.
But we refuse to give up, Peace is on the march, and those unprepared may be trampled beneath its caring boots. I have a dream, that one day no one will need to have a dream just to get people to stop hitting each other. But to make this happen I need your help. We need hugs and drugs, just please - no thugs.
However, our recent recruitment goals have not been met. The current political climate has tarnished the good name of "Army", and has mislead many to believe that it represents a group of people who fight. I can assure you, in our case this could not be further from the truth. We have declared a war on fighting, and we will not rest until the whole world rests. As you can see, this quickly becomes a very confusing task, and one that requires a considerable amount of staffing as well as weed. Fortunately, we know a guy, so we've got the second thing covered, but we still need your help!
Finding the right recruits has been a monumental task. Only a select few have either the skills necessary, or the supermodel good looks to become one of us. Just yesterday I spoke with a very talented and eager young man who assured me that if selected he would give 110%. Obviously we couldn't accept him. It isn't possible for one person to give more than 100%, and his needless hyperbole would only invite trouble. Before long we would have to deal with those that declared they could give 112%, and in no time at all we would reach ridiculous numbers, with claims of "infinity-plus-one percent" or "a million bajillion percent". This is a serious business, and I have no patience for those that can't master simple math concepts.
But we refuse to give up, Peace is on the march, and those unprepared may be trampled beneath its caring boots. I have a dream, that one day no one will need to have a dream just to get people to stop hitting each other. But to make this happen I need your help. We need hugs and drugs, just please - no thugs.
posted by Qbryzan at
8:54 AM
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