This guy walks into a Psychiatrist's office...

Psychiatrist - What brings you here today?

This guy - Well, doc, I wanted to talk to you about these dreams I have. You see, I'm gay.

Psychiatrist - Go on.

This guy - I keep having these dreams about having sex with women. Sometimes it's just one, but sometimes more than one at a time. The other night there was an entire harem. It just doesn't make any sense.

Psychiatrist - Sometimes our dreams are manifestations of our anxiety about changes in life. How long have you been having these dreams?

This guy - Since I was 12 or 13.

Psychiatrist - That long? And are you finding any changes in your sexual desires while you are awake?

This guy - Nope. No changes.

Psychiatrist - Ok.

This guy - I just want to have sex with women.

Psychiatrist - Well, that's to be expect - did you just say you want to have sex with women?

This guy - Yep. All the time. Sometimes when I'm having sex with a woman, I'll be thinking of having sex with a different woman. In fact, sometimes when I'm alone I'll think about having sex with a women while fantasizing about a different woman. It gets very confusing.

Psychiatrist - And this is in addition to having sex with men?

This guy - No, I don't have sex with men.

Psychiatrist - Didn't you tell me you are gay?

This guy - Yep.

Psychiatrist - But you don't have sex with men?

This guy - Nope. I'm just not interested.

Psychiatrist - Then why do you say you are gay?

This guy - That's what they keep telling me.

Psychiatrist - Who is telling you that?

This guy - Different people. One of my neighbors, this woman I work with, there was even a woman I met the other night at a bar...

Psychiatrist - And why do they think you're gay?

This guy - I'm not completely sure - Something about hating professional sports, and watching 'Desperate Housewives', and some of the hand gestures I make. But they seem very sure of themselves.

Psychiatrist - But you only want to have sex with women?

This guy - Yeah, as often as I can. I was hoping to have sex with that woman at the bar, but she was so sure I was gay, and just didn't realize it yet. Something about her 'gaydar'. She said I was just in denial.

Psychiatrist - Do you feel an attraction to men?

This guy - No.

Psychiatrist - Well, then-

This guy - But that's exactly what I would say if I was in denial.

Psychiatrist - But by definition, you aren't gay.

This guy - How do we know that for sure? Maybe I'm about to come out of the closet any time now, and I just don't know it. I mean, c'mon I actually own an 'Erasure' CD [takes out CD, and shows doctor]

Psychiatrist - These kinds of things don't happen like that. And that's just music, that doesn't indicate anything.

This guy - Don't be naive doctor, what straight man listens to Erasure?

Psychiatrist - I think we're getting off on a tangent here. Why do you put so much faith in these people's opinions? You've obviously had women who slept with you, surely they thought you were straight.

This guy - Yes, but they had an ulterior motive; they wanted to have sex with me. These other people don't seem to want anything from me. They just want me to be happy.

Psychiatrist - So you aren't happy?

This guy - No, I'm actually quite happy. I'd be happier if that woman from the bar would sleep with me, but other than that I'm doing well. Unless it is all a well-crafted illusion created by my subconscious...

Psychiatrist - You need to trust your feelings. If you don't want to sleep with men, you're not gay.

This guy - Ok, but it is all right if I keep saying I am?

Psychiatrist - Why would you want to do that?

This guy - Ever since I started saying I'm gay I've had more women want to sleep with me.